(12) The Unexpected

The night had come for me to meet my ex for drinks at a local bar. I remember all the thoughts and ideas running through my head as I drove to meet her. What was the first thing I wanted to say to her? Should I be nice or cold hearted? Do I let her talk and just listen? All of these questions flew out the door once I saw her waiting outside. When I walked up to her, she leaned in for a hug and I gave her a half ass hug back, not expecting to do that of course.  We both walked in silent and found a table to sit down at.  What an awkward feeling this was, sitting starring at each other in silence seeing who was going to talk first.

As I was getting ready to open my mouth and rip into her, she quickly started talking. First thing that came out of her mouth was, “Nick, I’m so sorry I said the nasty comments to you when you needed me the most!” After she had said this I was no longer mad, but now wanted to hear what she had to say and try to accept her apology. But of course I gave her too much credit in the beginning like usual, because very shortly after her first comment, she followed up with excuses for her actions and pointed out the things I did wrong. Now at this point I was no longer going to accept her apology and started to brainstorm how I could get even with her after all of the bad things she had done to me over our five-year relationship. I recall asking her one question later on into the night, and the answer I received completely triggered a person inside of me I never knew I had nor wanted to be.

The question I had asked her was this; “You said you cheated on me. So, how many times and with how many people? I wont get mad, because we are not together, but want to know for closure.” Her answer came after a few minutes of thinking and finally she said this; “Well if you want me to be honest, I would say with about eight different guys and who knows how many times with each one.”

Sitting across from her, I looked at her as if nothing was wrong and just smiled. Underneath my smiles was so much hatred and anger that I have never felt before. I never thought she could crush me anymore, but obviously that was not the case. Now in my head I started to brainstorm what I could do that night to make her feel all the hurt she has caused in my life. I had the perfect plan and as the night went on it unfolded perfectly!

As the night grew late we both had a few drinks and I asked her if she wanted to go dancing at a club.  She accepted and we headed out for more drinks, followed by a lot of close dancing. Throughout the night I showed her what she was missing, and how much fun I could be if we were still together. Felt like she was playing right into my trap that I had set.  When the club was closing I looked to her and asked her what she wanted to do, and she replied with, “let’s go back to your place.” So as you would have already guessed, that’s exactly where we went. Kissing, touching and so-called “sparks” where flying, but I don’t think she really had any idea of what was going on inside my head. The night drew to an end and we laid there in my bed looking at each other.  She ended up falling asleep, and I rolled over with a big smile on my face knowing that the next morning she was in for a rude awakening.


I awoke the next morning to her next to me with a smile on her face, and a look that shouted what an amazing night. She said good morning, followed by “I want to talk to you about something.” Once I heard that, I sat up immediately, and told her, “I was all ears. “ She started with, “What happened last night was not planned, but as it all happened I found myself falling for you all over again! Do you think maybe we can try again?” I quickly started laughing and tried to gather my thoughts. What I was about to say to her I’m sure was something no woman would ever want to hear from a guy she loved. So as I pulled myself together, I replied with what I thought at the time was the best stab at her heart. “Oh, I’m sorry that you thought it was a magical reconnecting night for us. But how does it feel to love or want somebody that doesn’t want to give you the same respect back!”

After I had blurted out that statement she quickly went from smiles to confusion. She got up yelled some obscenities at me, slapped me across the face and stormed out of my house. Once the front door slammed shut, I began to ask myself a couple of questions. Did she really deserve that? Was I an asshole for the game I just played? What and who did I become last night? Did she open the door to someone inside me that has been dying to get out?


All these questions flooded my head but one stuck out as if it needed to be recognized! Obviously there was something brewing inside of me that needed to be unleashed, and she did just that. The next few months, I became this guy that women emotionally would fear and never want to experience.


  1. i created a similar monster in santa rosa and i’ve worked hard to restore the line of respect of women by not defrauding them physically or emotionally. My 2 old vices. if u wanna talk im down for it

  2. I honestly think she deserved it. No one, no matter what state of mind they are in, should say the stuff she had said to you in the previous post. Completely heartless.

  3. So much for sympathy, much less empathy on this one. Both her words and actions seem worthless and you definitely deserve better. I bet the cancer made you more of a man, not less. She sees that now, women are naturally attracted to a man that is both ‘lover’ and ‘fighter’.

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